Diary of the Innocent

-CHAPTER ONE-
Once upon a time there was a little boy. His name was Iliad. He lived in a small town on the west coast, not so far from L.A. Iliad's family was not rich. Daddy was a simple baker, and mommy stayed at home taking care of him and us six kids. Life was never easy for Iliad. Daddy often came home from a night with "the guys"drunk and drunk can be. He would hit mommy so hard. She would bleed bad. Real bad. We all cried. Not iliad though. He was always happy. We never knew why. We thought he was mean for not being sad. Did he not like Mommy? How was he happy when life was so bad?

I suppose life wasn't always bad. Daddy could be real nice. Some days he would come home with candy. We would all sit down, eat, laugh, play games, and be...happy. Mommy and Daddy would kiss, and we would all giggle and look away. I'd do anything to see Daddy kiss mommy today. One day, Daddy didn't come home. We found him in the ditch by Mr. Benedict's house. Dead. He killed himself with a gun. Daddy was dead.

That was the first time I remember seeing Iliad cry.
He never cried when Daddy hit Mommy. Why was he crying when Daddy died. Mommy could be happy now! But Mommy cried too. Why? Why are you crying Mommy? For the first time in so long, I am happy. Why is no one else happy with me?

Lots of time went by. Iliad was never happy anymore. He yelled at Mommy now too. I don't know why. I asked Mommy, but she just said it was because "he was a teenager." When I get older, I will never be a teenager. I love Mommy too much. She loves me so much, and I love her too! She never yells at me. We are poor, but she still brings me to town with her, and we get candy.

One day, Iliad came home from school. He looked a lot different than he did most days. He was smiling. He smiled sometimes before that, but today he was smiling real big and he couldn't stop. At first he said that nothing was different, but I knew he was kidding. That night, I sneaked downstairs because I saw the light on late. Iliad was talking to Mommy. He said something about a girl he met. I guess she was pretty and nice or something like that. I didn't really understand. But one thing I did understand. He was happy.

-CHAPTER TWO-
Iliad was happy a lot more often after that. He came home with a lot of smiles now. The whole year he was happy. We even started to play baseball in the backyard! That was fun. I had so much fun, and so did Iliad. I was happy. He was happy. The whole year was like that. Our family began to have parties, play games, and laugh like we used to.

Then, Michelle (the girl Iliad liked) asked him to go to church with her. He did. Mommy took us all too! I had a lot of fun. They played games and we ate cookies. They talked about a boy named Jesus, but I didn't really understand that and it was boring. Iliad liked that stuff though and him and Mommy talked about it a lot. One day Iliad became a Christian. I don't know how to say the word and Mommy had to help me spell it. Iliad is really happy now. So I am happy too.

-CHAPTER THREE-
Now I am old enough to go to school. I was real scared, but Mommy said I would have fun and make new friends. I did! I walk to school with Iliad, and he doesn't care. He used to not want to be with me, but now he likes it! He says Jesus helped him. I like Jesus. He makes Iliad happy. I want to meet Jesus someday, but Iliad said he's invisible. Bummer. I can't wait until I am in high school like Iliad. All his friends are so cool! I am having so much fun at school, and so is Iliad. Life is so fun again!

-CHAPTER FOUR-
Sometimes life isn't happy. Mommy is really sick right now. She had to go to the hospital. We brought her flowers and balloons and a stuffed bear. She liked that. I got to watch cartoons on the TV, but I'm still not happy. I miss Mommy being at home with me. School isn't as fun as it used to be. Iliad still plays games with us, but it isn't the same. I miss Mommy! He said that his friend Jesus is in control of everything. If Jesus made Mommy sick, I don't like him anymore. I prayed for the first time tonight. I didn't really know what to do. Iliad helped me. I said, "Jesus, make Mommy better." I hope he heard me! One time we were with Mommy at the hospital, and she told us that Jesus was her friend too. I was watching Bugs Bunny, but Iliad smiled really big. I saw that. Mommy was a Christian too, and he was happy.

-CHAPTER FIVE-
Mommy died three days ago. I cried real hard. I miss her so much! Everyone does. Even Iliad. Even Michelle. Michelle held my hand during the whole funeral. But I still miss Mommy. I drew her a picture today. I ran downstairs to show her, but then I remembered she wasn't home. She couldn't see it. Iliad said we could go to the grave to show her. We're going to go tomorrow. I hope she likes it. I drew a picture of Mommy and me on my first day of school. She is holding my hand. It was a real good picture too! She would have liked it a hole bunch. She would have held it real tight. SHe would have kissed me. She would have hugged me so tight that I couldn't breathe. But now she can't. Iliad told me that mommy is in a better place. He said all her bruises are gone that Daddy gave her. He said she is with Jesus. He said that she is so happy. ANd he said that he is happy. But I'm not. I miss Mommy.

-CHAPTER SIX-
Iliad bought Michelle a ring today. He told me that they are going to get married, but she doesn't know it yet. I'm not allowed to tell her. He said that when they get married that she will be able to play with me every day! Iliad is at college now, and the rest of us live with Auntie Becky. She is nice and reads me books.

-CHAPTER SEVEN-
Today was real bad. Iliad asked Michelle to marry him, and she said no. I don't know why. She told him that she was sorry, and that she was moving away. I don't really understand why. I just know that Iliad cried real bad. I asked him if he was sad. He said yes. But last night when he tucked me in, he told me that he loved Michelle so much, but that she wouldn't have been happy with him. She would be happy now though. And if she was happy, he was happy.

-CHAPTER EIGHT-
Iliad and I went to Mommy's grave today. We both cried. I gave her another picture. Iliad said she liked it. I love Iliad.

-CHAPTER NINE-
Last night Iliad went to the hospital. He couldn't breathe. We went and saw him today. Auntie Becky told me he will be home soon, but that's not what Iliad said. He told me that he might see Jesus soon. I told him he can't. He is my brother, and Jesus can't have him.

I didn't go to school this week. Iliad is real sick. The doctor said he might die soon. I prayed so hard tonight. Jesus, don't let my brother die! I love him so much! Don't you love him? Why would you let him die like Mommy? I miss Mommy so much. My heart isn't big enough to miss them both! Please Jesus. You can have me instead, if you want. Please Jesus. Please. Please. Please. Amen.

-CHAPTER TEN-
Iliad died today. He talked to me last. No one else was there. I told him that I prayed to Jesus. He was glad. He looked real different than usual. He had a lot of tubes in him. His face was whiter, and he could barely talk. He asked me how I was. I told him bad. He asked why. I told him I was said that he was sick. He smiled and held my hand. he told me not to be sad. Iliad said that he wasn't sad. He was going to see Jesus, just like Mommy. I told Iliad that I didn't want him to leave. He cried then, but he was smiling too. he said that he didn't want to leave me either, but he said that Jesus wanted him too. But why does Jesus have to get you? Iliad squeezed my hand, and asked me to give him a kiss. I did. I started to cry. Why does Jesus have to get you? He smiled again. He loves me so much, he told me. And then, he wasn't squeezing my hand anymore. he wasn't breathing anymore The lines o the machine weren't going up and down anymore. but Iliad still had a smile on his face, and I knew he was happy. But I"m not.