Questions

Questions
Questions that need answering.
Things we need to know.
Things that cannot wait.
Time is of essence.

Questions
Questions that need answering.
Or do they?
Perhaps there is no answer.
At least no right answer.

Questions
Life is full of so many of them
Easy ones. Hard ones.
Mostly hard ones I think.
I'm starting not to care if I make the right choice.

Questions
Perhaps they are pointless.
Perhaps I should just answer them however I wish.
Who cares about the consequences.
No consequence could outweigh this weight on my shoulders.

Questions
Dear God answer them now.
If not now then in my dreams.
If not in my dreams then tomorrow at latest.
For if not tomorrow then I shall be undone.

Questions
Questions
Questions
Questions
Questions

Questions
Psalm forty-six ten.
Oh! Now I see.
Now I understand.
The answer is found.

God's Ways are Perfect

So I'm gonna make this short and sweet because the time is 2:30 AM and I have class in the morning. But i did want to write this while it was deep on my mind. To make a really long, complicated story short and simple I am in a real pickle. I'm debating heavily between two colleges. I want to stay here in Cali but a school back home has a way better program. There's also other complicating things like my job, housing, and stuff like that. Anyhow, I've been trying to figure out what I want to do for months, and I HAVE to know by 2 PM today (cuz its my interview for work). Now, in case you didn't think it through....this is a really big decision as it could effect my future job, wife, family, people i meet, EVERYTHING. So...pretty much I've been freaking out (which is rare for me...i'm usually a no worry guy).

Anyhow...tonight i left for a walk at 1 AM. Around 1:30 AM i wound up at the prayer chapel here on campus where i stayed until 2:10. I spent a few minutes praying...begging God for a sign, an angel, a bright light...anything supernatural to tell me what to do. And you will not believe what happened....
absolutely nothing.
Figures.
Same as usual.

I got off my knees and just sat in the pew (pretty much just moping). Suddenly, I got an idea. I sang a hymn. I can't remember what it's called, but the lyrics are
"I love you Lord, and I lift my voice to worship you. Oh, my soul rejoice. Take joy my King in what you hear. May it be a sweet sweet sound in Your ear." I sang it again. Then I sang "When we all get to Heaven." And then "Amazing Grace." Then "The Doxology." One of the best worship sessions I've every had. Add in some background angel's voices from Heaven and it sounded amazing. :)

It was a very peaceful time...singing those songs....short as it was. But I had gotten off track of worrying, so I went back to my begging. "God! Speak to me!" Psh...as if I can tell God what to do.
Well, He did tell me what to do. No...not audibly. But I just figured the thoughts that came to mind were from Him. But they were also confusing. My first thought was...

"Are you loving people, James?"

Am I what!? What does that have to do with anything? But I really didn't have to ask. That's all that matters in life. That's what Jesus came for. That's what the New Testament is all about. Shoot...that's what the entire Bible is about. Love.
Love.
Love.
Love.
Love.
"Yes God. I believe I am loving people. At least I am trying."

"Do you love Me, James?"

"Uh...can you just tell me if I am supposed to stay or not?"

"James...do you love Me?"

"Yes."

"Then read My Word."

That was the last thing I "heard" from God tonight.
Love and read. Hmmmm...that has nothing to do with my problem. And everything.
You see....I have a hunch about life, and the hunch is this:
Maybe God doesn't need to start "lighting my path." Maybe he lit it before the foundations of the world. Maybe what i choose to do doesn't really matter. Maybe I'm just supposed to focus of loving and getting closer to Him. After all...what could be more important than that? Maybe I don't need to keep asking if I'm "supposed to be here." I KNOW I'm supposed to love. So I'm just gonna focus on that.
As for my future. I'm just gonna stay the course and let God shut and open doors as He wills.
I guess I don't really care what He does.
God brought something to my mind as I walked back to my dorm tonight...and it wasn't even Scripture. It was from a very unlikely place.

Veggie Tales.

"God made you special, and He loves you very much."

For some reason that brought me so much peace. :)

Anyway...maybe this will speak to one of you in your current situation. :)
God bless you and make His face shine upon you, and give you peace.

James Knoop
Psalm 18:30 (This was a verse I read in the prayer chapel. The Bible in the chapel was opened to this page).

Live Like Your Dying

The End of the Story

Hey everyone...
First...let me please please please apologize for the great amount of time that has passed since my last post. I've been decently busy, though that probably isn't the best excuse. But alas here I am. I keep wanting you write you guys but I keep learning new things in my faith and i want to share all of them and then because I have so many ideas none of them ever come. However, today was easy because it's Easter! :) What else is there to write about? :) 
Well, because we all know that it is impossible for me to write something positive, I will do my best not to break my streak. ;) However, I will do my best to put a twist to it to change it from negative to a POTENTIAL positive. Let us begin...


Do we belittle Easter? Hmmm...good question. Terribly easy answer. Yes. Guaranteed. We may go to church today, read the chapter about Jesus raising from the dead, change our status on facebook to something emotional about the significance of the day...but in our hearts...there is little joy. We put on our Easter smiles, but deep down there  we’re still upset about the way the world is. We still grumble and complain. And we still aren’t really excited for Heaven at all. 


Well to give it away...they entire point of this post is recapturing the mystery of Easter. What exactly it means. And just a clue...it’s not about marshmallow bunnies and fake grass inside of plastic eggs. You see...Easter is not an isolated event. So many times we don't prepare for this monumental day at all, and if we do, we don't prepare right. 


"Nu uh! I prepare right!" you say. I read the part about Jesus dying, even his ministry, shoot...I read the whole New Testament. Well...you may have. So, I don't wanna rule you out if you have. Let me put you to the test. I will list a series of tasks which you must have done in order to have satisfactorily prepared for Easter. Don't worry...there are only two steps. I hope you pass!!! Here goes...
1. You must have read the entire Bible this week.
2. You must have read every books about every event in history since the beginning of Earth.
Yeah...I didn't pass either. "Well, that's a stupid test!" "It's impossible to fully prepare!" Aha! You are correct. How could we ever prepare for such a day? But there is something you must realize. While this test is impossible, it is also true. Why? I love when you ask that question. Here is a small statement which HUGE implications. Ready?...me neither.


-Since the fall of man, every single event in history led to the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ-


Did you get that? Read it again. EVERYTHING led to the Easter story. And I'm NOT just talking about the Bible. Everything. Gen. 3:15 (pretty much the beginning of your Bible) is the first prophecy of Jesus. God already had it planned. His story was already written. He knew that the Romans would be the rulers of the world at the time of Jesus. They had to be. If they hadn't of been, Jesus wouldn't have died on a cross (which was also prophesied). Just think of all the event leading up to the Romans gaining control. I could go on and on, but the point of this blog isn't to inform you but to open your eyes. The Easter story didn't begin the day Jesus raised. It didn't begin the day He was born. The Easter story begins in Genesis. Man sinned and someone had to pay the price. So often we break the Bible into a bunch of stories about different things. Not so. You can't even dare break it into two stories (New Testament and Old Testament). Don't you dare let anyone tell you the OT isn't VITAL to Christians today. Amid all the boring genealogies and weird commandments is a beautiful story playing out, the ending of which just maybe saved your life, and did save mine. 


I'm sorry for the density of this is such short writing. There is enough topic here to write a collection of books on, and I will be having a Bible study this summer wholly devoted to this topic, but maybe this will at least be enough to get you thinking. Genesis 1-2 is our prologue. We learn all the background info we need to understand what's going on. The fall is our major conflict. Man has sinned and needs a savior or they will be forever separated from God (anyone else got goosebumps at this amazing conflict). Plot...a man must come to save the day. But this didn't happen in a week, a month, a year, or a hundred years. Rather, for thousands of years the people of earth waited and waited and waited for the One who would defeat the antagonist (Satan and Sin) and save the maiden in distress (us). 


At last the prince rides to the towering castle to save the beautiful maiden. The reader is shaking with anticipation. But we freeze when we find out that the princess doesn't believe that he is the one who will save her. In fact, she tells the dragon guarding her to kill the prince. The reader is shocked, screaming at the idiot the princess is being. Is she blind? This is exactly the man she's always read about. But the dragon comes and fights a mighty duel with the prince, and eventually the prince drags the dragon over the edge of a cliff, and they both fall to their death. The reader is weeping. Yes, the dragon has been defeated, but so has the prince. 


But then...just when all hope was lost, we see the prince's right hand come over the edge of the cliff; then the other hand; at last the whole body. He has risen from the depths to save his princess. 


You see? The story didn't begin when the prince rode in. It began when the princess was enticed by the dragon, and captured (when Adam ate of the fruit). And we today are not waiting for the end of the story. Easter was the end. Today we are celebrating a happy ending to a horrible story. I hope this encourages you. So many people tell us that we are living in the "end times." In some senses sure...we are. But Jesus...He was really the one living in the end times. The end of the story. He defeated sin and death. There's nothing left to defeat. You and I are just in one great big epilogue. You know like a romance story when the guy and the girl go through lots of dramatic stuff...but on the last page of the last chapter, they kiss romantically under the moon? That's the part where you sigh, and grab a kleenex. The epilogue tells you that they got married, but you could really have closed the book without knowing that. You knew it was gonna happen anyway. 


That should be our attitude today. Our lover...Jesus...went off to war. But He won. He's back. The end. Prologue (James is sitting in Arizona on Easter break writing a bunch of people about how cool the end of the story is). :)
Given...it's a VERY long epilogue. But I think anything is worth the wait for my wedding ceremony with Jesus. 


Well...these were a bunch of jumbled thoughts and I hope some of them made sense. I really hope amid all today's activities you just remember the love of Jesus. Cliche as it is love is so amazing. Love. Love. Love. Wow. There's no way I'm falling asleep tonight. 


Happy Easter everyone!!!

So Called "Christianity"

So this is something I've wanting to write about for a long time, but school got in the way. Okay, I thought of it monday night...but when you have a blog that is FOREVER to wait. I actually should be starting my paper for English that's due tomorrow, but I don't even remember what it's supposed to be about and its not due for 15 hours so I can put that on the back burner for now. Okay...enough jokes. Put on your serious faces, cuz this is actually kinda a heavy issue (in my humble conservative opinion).

The Area of Sinning

I love posts like the this one because I am going to sound like I am completely contradicting myself. I don't know why I enjoy that...I just do. But as you know from previous posts. I am actually not contradicting myself. You just may have to read closely. :)

My main two points of this post are:
1. Don't worry so much about your sinning.
2. For Pete's sake...STOP SINNING!

-PART ONE-

:) Told you they are contradictory. Let me explain.

The Boy In The Park

 

Immature. Foolish. Proud. Arrogant. Like most boys I suppose. He seemed nice, a little reserved, yet intriguing. If you simply passed him by you might not notice him. You probably wouldn’t, and if you did it would most likely happen because you ran into him. You see, he walks slower than most others. Not slower as in his pace. He walks life slower. That’s the only reason I noticed him. It’s strange the things you notice if you take the time to look. I’m not sure why I took the time today. Perhaps it was simply from God. I don’t know. But I noticed this young man walking through the park. I walk through the park because I like parks. I think he walks through the park because he finds something magical about it.

A bird flies over and he cocks his head to watch it fly over. He turns around and watches it disappear over the hill and out of view. The bird has been gone for some time now and yet he watches. As if in pain at the loss. As if saying a last farewell to a creature he has just met. I then saw as he knelt down to a small patch of red flowers. I wasn’t sure what had grabbed his attention until i saw his hand reach out and touch one of the flowers. But the one he touched was yellow. The only yellow flower among all the red. I would not have noticed. But he had. He touched that flower so delicately. As if a rough touch from his finger would shatter it. Slowly he raised to his feet. He took one last look at the flower, sighed, and continued walking. I ran up to the young man, thinking to myself that I must meet him. 

“Hey!” I said as I approached him.

He turned. Almost in slow motion it seemed. His blue eyes met mine and he smiled. 

“Hello.” 

I cannot explain that moment. My eyes were locked on his. No. Not on. Through. I believe this young man controlled time itself, because it did not exist for this moment. I took a journey, in a way I cannot explain, past the space between us, through his eyes, and into his soul. I fell into a land of peace. I would tell you of it, but I’m afraid it would be easier to explain the feel of the wind.

However, peace was not all that dwelt in there. I also saw a land of darkness. Incredible darkness that was advancing toward the light. I then flew over the space between where a great war was waging, and if I was not mistaken the darkness was prevailing. Suddenly time resumed, and the boy turned and walked away. I was shell shocked.

Who was this boy? Against my better judgement I followed him through the park, and to his house. I dare say he did something with my mind, for never would I on my own behalf follow someone to their own home. I saw him go to his mailbox, grab the letters inside, and walk into his house. I ran to the window, and saw him sit at his desk. He flipped through the letters one by one, until he stopped at a certain envelope. His eyes grew wide. And then, once again, time changed. It didn’t stop. It just...changed. My gaze seemed to zoom in on his fingers.

They moved ever so slowly. His left hand held on firmly to the bottom of the envelope. His thumb made the slightest dent, and he loosened his grip. The four fingers of his right hand were on the backside of the envelope, while his thumb slowly broke the seal. Slowly, because if the envelope were to rip ever so slightly, the letter inside would simply vanish. I had never seen such care taken with such a simple thing. His hands were shaking slightly. I would have thought the letter brought ill news, but he showed no signs of sweating. And yet he did not seem excited either. What was it? The sound of the tearing seal filled my ears. The hands began to shake more noticeably, but soon the seal had been completely broken. My heart beat fast, anticipating the removal of the letter inside. But he did not remove it. I wanted to scream.

“Just take out the letter!”

But I thought better of it. After all, which is more strange. A man who opens an envelope without reading the letter, or a stranger outside the window yelling for him to do so? Therefore, I decided to wait. My gaze shifted to his eyes once again. A strange look they had. At first I thought it was fear, but I quickly dismissed that idea. Sadness was next, but no, nothing was the matter.

A mix of joy and fear it seemed to me. But what word describes that? And then I knew. How? I don’t know. Perhaps he silently told me. After all, he did control time. It was hope. Not in it’s original form, but hope all the same. Slowly (just like everything else) he removed the letter. Now my hands were shaking. I began to feel as if this letter was mine. Jealousy began to course through me. I watched in agony as he fully removed the content and began to read.

What business did he have reading that letter? Oh how I did wish I knew what it said. I watched as a smile crept across his face half-way through. The more he read the brighter the smile grew. He finished the letter. I know this because he closed his eyes and sighed. I think he did so just to spite me. And then, when I thought my hatred for him could not grow more cold; he read the letter again.

The same immature smiling. The same arrogant closing of his eyes. The same prideful sigh. The fool! To think he could ruin my perfectly good day by simply reading a letter from some mystery person. He had indeed ruined my day. I watched as he propped up the letter, just to his right. And then he began to fill out some papers. For what, I do not know. But occasionally, he would glance over at that paper...and smile.