God's Ways are Perfect

So I'm gonna make this short and sweet because the time is 2:30 AM and I have class in the morning. But i did want to write this while it was deep on my mind. To make a really long, complicated story short and simple I am in a real pickle. I'm debating heavily between two colleges. I want to stay here in Cali but a school back home has a way better program. There's also other complicating things like my job, housing, and stuff like that. Anyhow, I've been trying to figure out what I want to do for months, and I HAVE to know by 2 PM today (cuz its my interview for work). Now, in case you didn't think it through....this is a really big decision as it could effect my future job, wife, family, people i meet, EVERYTHING. So...pretty much I've been freaking out (which is rare for me...i'm usually a no worry guy).

Anyhow...tonight i left for a walk at 1 AM. Around 1:30 AM i wound up at the prayer chapel here on campus where i stayed until 2:10. I spent a few minutes praying...begging God for a sign, an angel, a bright light...anything supernatural to tell me what to do. And you will not believe what happened....
absolutely nothing.
Figures.
Same as usual.

I got off my knees and just sat in the pew (pretty much just moping). Suddenly, I got an idea. I sang a hymn. I can't remember what it's called, but the lyrics are
"I love you Lord, and I lift my voice to worship you. Oh, my soul rejoice. Take joy my King in what you hear. May it be a sweet sweet sound in Your ear." I sang it again. Then I sang "When we all get to Heaven." And then "Amazing Grace." Then "The Doxology." One of the best worship sessions I've every had. Add in some background angel's voices from Heaven and it sounded amazing. :)

It was a very peaceful time...singing those songs....short as it was. But I had gotten off track of worrying, so I went back to my begging. "God! Speak to me!" Psh...as if I can tell God what to do.
Well, He did tell me what to do. No...not audibly. But I just figured the thoughts that came to mind were from Him. But they were also confusing. My first thought was...

"Are you loving people, James?"

Am I what!? What does that have to do with anything? But I really didn't have to ask. That's all that matters in life. That's what Jesus came for. That's what the New Testament is all about. Shoot...that's what the entire Bible is about. Love.
Love.
Love.
Love.
Love.
"Yes God. I believe I am loving people. At least I am trying."

"Do you love Me, James?"

"Uh...can you just tell me if I am supposed to stay or not?"

"James...do you love Me?"

"Yes."

"Then read My Word."

That was the last thing I "heard" from God tonight.
Love and read. Hmmmm...that has nothing to do with my problem. And everything.
You see....I have a hunch about life, and the hunch is this:
Maybe God doesn't need to start "lighting my path." Maybe he lit it before the foundations of the world. Maybe what i choose to do doesn't really matter. Maybe I'm just supposed to focus of loving and getting closer to Him. After all...what could be more important than that? Maybe I don't need to keep asking if I'm "supposed to be here." I KNOW I'm supposed to love. So I'm just gonna focus on that.
As for my future. I'm just gonna stay the course and let God shut and open doors as He wills.
I guess I don't really care what He does.
God brought something to my mind as I walked back to my dorm tonight...and it wasn't even Scripture. It was from a very unlikely place.

Veggie Tales.

"God made you special, and He loves you very much."

For some reason that brought me so much peace. :)

Anyway...maybe this will speak to one of you in your current situation. :)
God bless you and make His face shine upon you, and give you peace.

James Knoop
Psalm 18:30 (This was a verse I read in the prayer chapel. The Bible in the chapel was opened to this page).